November 17th, 2018 [Friday]

So today, GDK messaged me. Sigh, it seems either she didn't know who I was or she wants me to think that. Though it hurts a buckload, maybe it's best that she forgot me. It's true that I did not use my real name on my alt facebook account (my original one's fine, but I do however not wish to link up my accounts on the facebook servers) so she couldn't figure that out, but I didn't want to right up say "Hi kak. It's me, CC-I". Right now, for every beat that my heart makes, each beat feels like a heavy pounding on it's walls. It hurts so freaking bad but it's ok. As long as she's fine and she doesn't know, so as to protect her happiness, it's all fine.

Work was a mess as usual, with her in my head throughout the whole day. Coming home to see her message really burns. Well, I cant blame her as I'm the one entirely at fault here. And I would definitely hope that she wont figure out who I am, cause I know.. if she actually read through what I wrote slowly, I'm pretty sure she'd know.

So anyway, recent events include my neighbour getting me fired after i graciously introduced a job to him in my previous company.. he was playing with his phone the whole day, day after day during work hours. The result, my employer thinks that I'm doing his job for him so as to cover for him and give him free time to game on his phone. Secondly, my aunt passed away last week (Thursday) and I attended her wake 3 days ago. My cousin had a divorce as well. So, having all these things happening all within the month and  adding to what's happening in my life, it feels like a bomb just went off inside both my head and heart. To be honest, I didn't really want to reach out to TDK cause it seems like everytime I do, it's always been about GDK. I'm sure TDK knows but I feel like I'm just a bother. I don't wish to but it really hurts and I really wish I could talk to TDK about it. I just hope she replies soon.


Aside from that, I'll keep updating till something happens. That's when I've probably...

Here's what she said to me.. still considerate even though (maybe) she doesn't seem to know who I was or that she probably just wanna forget me being who I am and what I've done and all.. well, I can't say anything to her now being blocked and all. I mean 8 accidentally used the wrong alt (some random person instead of "fk FB" alt account, but I guess she made it pretty clear that she doesn't talk to strangers, not especially when they know about the past quite clearly.. but then it could only have been me... Sigh, well I guess I could message her again on my fk fb alt but then again, she made it pretty clear so I don't want to disturb her. Besides I've already made a mistake in contacting her.. it's just.. maybe I wish... I wish the person in her life could have been me. But who am I kidding.. I mean she's like a princess to me.. how can someone like me, who's next to no status, be a match for someone like get..

Sigh.. this is why I love her so and why my heart hurts so.