Well, I got locked on the roof till 0650 this morning before someone came along till the door was opened and I got off the roof. Was thinking of taking the day off since I didn't sleep yet, but decided that I'd do fine, so I went off to work.
While at work today, I was in a daze thinking of GDK again and I guess I white-out for a brief moment. Usually happens when my heart bpm exceeds way over 120bpm (the last time it happened and I checked while I was still conscious before white-out was around 180-190+, below 200 bpm).
Really now, what the hell's wrong with me. I've already suppressed my feelings for her for so long now and didn't really talk to her, so why? Why now for no obvious reasons does my feelings surface? God, it hurts like hell.. But I guess it's worth it as long as it's for her happiness. These few days, I've been wondering if I should share this blog/diary with GDK one day? I mean if she sees all these, she might worry.. and I definitely don't want her to feel worried, after promising her that I'd take care of myself and be healthy in our last phone call. She was also the one who thought me about whipped cream despite not having the opportunity to try it. Now, I don't think I'd try it, plus I don't think I'd be able to let someone else take her place in my heart. Every time I try to let someone into my heart, I end up shutting them out because they were not her.
Sigh...
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