So another boring day and doing some debugging with my "creations" (actually just one of the many excuses that I use to keep myself busy and away from thinking so madly about her) and listening to a lil jazz while at work. No classical for me today, just a bit of "non-funky" jazz.. more like lounge music. Perhaps I shall make myself a few gin tonics later to relief my heart and mind.
To be honest, the reason why I don't wish to live so long is well, you probably have guessed it after my writing in my posts, but yea, I'm tired to being in pain, but most importantly, the real reason is realated but entirely different. I've mentioned that I'm actually being alienated in my own country, culture and my own people. I'm actually tired of pretending not to be bothered by it and that I have to life a double life; one as a happy person (with all the fake smiles and a practical joker), the other, myself, the emo, moody person. Yes, it actually is hard to live without her. Sigh..
Well, nothing much has happened today except that it's beginner colder and colder since winter is coming and all. It started raining little by little and I guess I'll be turning myself into bed now. It's 02:00 (November 26th, Monday morning) at the moment. Can't help it but wanting to hide under my blankie and wallow in the warmth. I've always been afraid of the cold ever since I could remember. It's times like this that I wish I could hug her from behind instead of hugging my pillow whilst thinking of her. Sigh...
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