Arrived at work this morning and the first the I wrote was completely wrong. Had to scrap the product and ask for the raw material to be replenished. Sigh.. don't know why I can't seem to stop thinking of GDK. Had all morning to think about it and somehow thought about my problems with depression. Other than missing hey, it was most likely because of alienation. Despite the fact that I returned to my home country for a while now, I don't feel at home. Of cause ifI say I feel at home whenever I had the chance to be with her, but I mean like, I'm being treated differently here, like a fortitude, an outsider. Because I have an accent in Chinese and converse more in English and Malay that I do, Chinese (Mandarin included other than the local dialect, Hokkien).
While thinking about her, I can't across the memory of her asking me to give her a Japanese name. I didn't know what I should call her (back then I should have told her that Ran suited her. Refer to Conan), so she asked me what beautiful was in Japanese. I told her that it was Kirei and she said she'd like to use it as her alias. I didn't disagree, after all, what is a name but a word that we use to refer to each other as. And if you give a word a reason, why couldn't it be a name, though an unique one? The next time I'd call her, she told me her bf had said that it wasn't a name. Well, of cause it wasn't a name, but she gave it a reason, a meaning, so it will be her name.
I also remembered that is told her if I ever went to England, I'd want to visit one place most importantly (aside from the lake that Bessie resides in), and that was (and still is though) 221B Baker Street.
Also, GDK loves music. She would sometimes hum while listening to music wearing earphones and even sing to herself. It's the cutest sight ever. She loves this one Chinese song (I think by Jay Chow.. made me jealous though since GD was the one who introduced it to her). I'm probably one of the shyttiest n crappiest bloke she's ever known. Sigh...
When you look into her eyes, I'll swear that it feels like you're being sucked into a warm embrace.. a pool of light, enveloping you with warmth and kindness. If only you could feel what I feel. You only know what I write through me. I've always wished that I could be the one to always be with her and take care of her, but then it'll only be a wish. I do not honestly think that I have the courage to look her in the eyes and tell her honestly how I truly feel about her. And now, there's no need to as there's no chance to ever be graced with that opportunity. I really hope that I do not need to show her these, not till the last days of my life, at least... correction, last day. I mean, who knows what she'll think when she reads all these. My guess is that she'd be disgusted by what kind of a person I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment